Heart of Gold
by Lizwontcry
Summary: Gemma and Wayne have a complicated history; one where she's always breaking his heart and he's always letting her.


**A/N - So this is my first SOA fic. I had to do _something_ with all my feels after I watched all the seasons in a month. I think it's funny that out of all the complicated relationships on the show, the one between Gemma and Wayne was the one I found the most intriguing.**

**I do not own Neil Young's lovely lyrics and these characters all belong to our dark lord master Kurt Sutter. Thanks to Lana, who broke her beta cherry. Thank you for reading and I appreciate feedback of any kind. **

* * *

_I've been to Hollywood  
I've been to Redwood  
I crossed the ocean  
for a heart of gold  
I've been in my mind,  
it's such a fine line  
That keeps me searching  
for a heart of gold  
And I'm getting old.  
Keeps me searching  
for a heart of gold  
And I'm getting old._

A woman never forgets her first kiss.

Gemma Madock sat in the bleachers at the high school football stadium, smoking a joint and staring at the moon. It had been one of those days, and all she wanted to do was get out of this godforsaken town. Charming. What a stupid fucking name. There was nothing charming about this place and there never would be. Trouble was, she was only 15 years old; a freshman at the high school. She had no money and no way of obtaining any. That would all change in a few years, but as of now, she was stuck.

She heard the car pull up behind the bleachers and knew exactly who it was. She was waiting for him. It had only been a matter of time before he found her and she was ready. Three strikes, you're out. Gemma knew the deal. At least in jail she'd get nice warm meal and a quiet place to sleep for the night.

Gemma counted the seconds in between the door of the cruiser closing and the moment she could feel his weary body sitting next to her on the bleachers. 119 seconds. That was the thing about Wayne, even at 22, he was a slow motherfucker.

She exhaled smoke and Wayne shook his head. "Really, Gemma? In public? You never make this easy for me, do you?"

Gemma passed him the joint in response. It seemed like he considered refusing it, but a few seconds later, he sighed and took it from her. Why not? They were alone. The lovely constituents of Charming weren't watching him now. Wayne took a deep drag, exhaled, and then coughed unattractively. Gemma chuckled. He was so not graceful.

"Hi, Wayne. What's new? Anything interesting happen in this beautiful town of ours tonight?"

At 18, Wayne Unser had joined the Marines and was sent to Vietnam almost immediately. Four years later, he returned to Charming and was now one of the brightest stars on the force. He'd probably be running the whole unit someday. Ever since he came back, it seemed like he was sent after Gemma and whatever trouble she was in now on a weekly basis. It didn't matter that he used to baby-sit her, play hide and go seek with her, make her macaroni and cheese for dinner. It didn't matter that she shared her first joint, which she found in her mother's coat pocket, with him a few years ago in the woods behind her house. He was a cop now. Unser was 22 years old, and he was going places. It seemed like the only place Gemma Madock was going was to jail.

"Why'd you do it, Gemma? What did Matthew Knowles ever do to you? He's in the hospital, for crying out loud. Not to mention the fact that you totally destroyed the windshield of his car. Where did you even get a bat, anyway?"

"You don't want to know, Wayne," Gemma muttered.

"Actually, it's my job to know. His parents are pressing charges. It would help if I could get your side of the story. Help me out, Gem."

"Nothing happened. It's no big deal. I'll go to jail if you want, but I'm not talkin'. By the way, did you happen to notice that Matthew was drunk off his ass? He's fast on his way to becoming the town drunk, which is quite an accomplishment for a 17 year old."

Wayne sighed, and took another puff. He looked so vulnerable. He was different ever since he got back from Vietnam. Quieter. Sometimes Gemma didn't t know whether she wanted to protect him or fuck him.

"Well, I can take you to the station and you can spend the night if you want, but that's not going to solve anything. Matthew's parents are still going to press charges, and you still have that misdemeanor on your record for stealing Old Man Walker's pick-up truck. So just make it easier on yourself, Gemma. Tell me what happened and I'll see what I can do to help you out of this mess."

Gemma considered. And decided to take pity on the guy.

She took a deep breath and dumped the whole story on him. "Look, we were hanging out like we always do. He's a friend, right? Well, we were at his house and he tells me he has this new comic book in his bedroom he wants to show me. Dumbass that I am, I followed him into his bedroom. And he closes the door, and he pushes me against the wall, and, well...things got ugly. I chased him out of his house, grabbed a bat from inside his car-you know he's on the baseball team this year, he's going to be on Varsity soon-anyway, he tried to get away from me and the bat...just kind of slid out of my hands."

"Slid out of your hands. I see." For the first time that night, Unser really looked at Gemma. And finally noticed that she had a black eye and a split lip.

"Jesus Christ, Gemma, did he do that to you? I'll fucking kill that bastard. I had no idea Matthew had that in him. I'll let his parents know-"

"Wayne, don't have a heart attack, Jesus. Matthew didn't do this. Rose did. We got into it again. She called me a whore and I punched her, but I missed. She didn't miss."

Wayne just shook his head, rendered speechless again by Gemma Madock. Something about her just always seemed to make him incapable of speaking words. Getting into a fist fight with her mother, well, that was a new low. So the two of them sat together and smoked the joint until it was down to a nub. They didn't speak. At one point, Wayne put his arm around her. She leaned into him, grateful for the one man in Charming who never seemed to judge her.

Eventually, Gemma started crying. She hated to cry, especially in front of people, but she couldn't hold it in anymore. Her tears were silent at first, but soon she was shaking and sobbing and Wayne continued to hold her closely.

"Why did she say that about me? I don't understand. She's my _mother. _I'm not a whore, Wayne. I'm really not."

"I know you aren't, sweetheart," he said, rubbing her shoulders, his heart breaking for this young, broken girl.

"I mean, I know I get in a lot of trouble but I'm really not that bad of a girl. Matt tried to kiss me and I just-I didn't know what to do. He called me a tease. Goddamnit, Wayne, I've never even kissed a boy before, how can I be a tease?"

She saw the surprise in his face. It would have shocked a lot of people in Charming if they knew that little secret of hers. Gemma was a 15 year old in a 25 year old's body. Puberty had hit early and hard and her hormones were omnipresent. But no matter what the jealous bitches at school said behind her back (or in front of her back, for that matter) or what her mother accused her of on a daily basis, she didn't let any of the boys get a taste of her goods. After having so many problems with her heart, she didn't want to get it broken. She wasn't ready for that.

"You're not a tease, Gemma. Of course you aren't. I'll talk to Matthew's parents and let them know, okay? You were just having a bad night."

"Thanks, Wayne," she said timidly. He was always so nice to her. Why was he always so nice to her?

"Look, Gem, you've got to get your shit together. In three years, you can do whatever you want. You can leave this town and find greener pastures. But for now, you've got to be nicer to your mother, and you have to keep a lid on your temper. Do you understand?"

Gemma laughed. "I wish it was that easy. Maybe that shit works for you, but not me. I'm not going to be around much longer anyway, Wayne. I'm getting out of here. Soon."

"Oh, is that right?" Unser said with a hint of panic in his voice.

"Yeah, it's right. My friend Luanne has an old man up in New York. We're going after graduation. She says she knows a guy she wants to introduce me to. Johnny, I think. Says we'll get along real good."

Wayne nodded, and Gemma knew he didn't want to believe that. Gemma was obviously naive about a lot of things, but she knew when a boy liked her. Wayne was a good guy and all, but he didn't make her pulse race. Luanne said the guy in New York, he was really handsome. And he'd treat her good. Gemma couldn't wait to get out and finally start living her damn life.

"Well...we'll miss ya, that's for sure."

"Yeah, right. My mom can't wait for me to leave. She'd probably drive me there herself if it got me out of town faster."

Wayne didn't disagree. Rose had quite a reputation in Charming. He was probably afraid of her just like everyone else was, Gemma thought.

"Nobody in school will miss me. My dad may, but he's so busy at work he probably won't even notice, not for a while. So I can't think of anybody who would miss me in the slightest. What a charmed life I lead, right?" She chuckled bitterly.

"Hell, Gemma, are you going to make me say it? I'll miss you." He said this quietly, looking down at his shiny black shoes, the moonlight casting a glow on his already balding head. At that moment, it didn't matter that Gemma wasn't particularly attracted to him, or that there was a pretty big difference in age, or that she was going to leave him behind soon and this would all be a distant memory. She felt sorry for the guy, and he felt sorry for her, and when he pulled her closer to him and kissed her forehead, she leaned in and kissed his lips.

Unser didn't question it. He held her tightly and kissed her gently. It was a long kiss, and it was a nice kiss. Not that Gemma had anything to compare it to. But it made her feel good. Not a lot of things could make her feel good, and being in Wayne's arms was nice and comfortable. Sooner rather than later, Gemma would find out that she wasn't a nice and comfortable kind of girl. She wanted danger. Risk. Trouble.

Wayne finally released Gemma, and she took a good look at his face. He looked...happy. Content. And she just knew she was going to end up breaking his heart someday.

"That—that was nice," Gemma whispered. "Whenever I think about my first kiss, you're going to be the boy I picture. One of these days, I'm going to be telling my grandkids about you."

Gemma would look back on this conversation for years to come and her heart would break again. Because she finally figured out that Wayne pictured himself with her, and those grandkids would be his, too, and they wouldn't have to tell the kids about the kiss because they'd be together forever. She never asked him about it, though. But she still sometimes felt guilty about it, especially when she asked him for yet another favor.

Wayne said nothing. He just held her close and didn't seem to want to let go. So Gemma let him, and when he kissed her again, she let it happen. His lips were softer than she thought they'd be. Maybe she could get used to it…no, she couldn't do that to him. He deserved someone who loved him as more than a friend, and she just couldn't see herself in that position. But Gemma didn't say that. She didn't say anything. She just let him hold her until he could catch his breath.

After a while, Wayne hastily rose from the bleachers. "I better get back to the station house before the chief realizes I've been missing all night."

Gemma nodded and squeezed his hand.

"Thank you," Wayne said quietly.

"For what?"

"I…don't know, really," he said. Before she could say anything else, he was gone.

Gemma stared at the football field, wishing she was the kind of girl who could show up to games and cheer for the players. She wished she was the kind of girl who could fall in love with the future police chief and have cute little babies who would eventually join the force with their father. But she wasn't that kind of girl. Gemma Madock had big plans, and staying in Charming wasn't on the list.

* * *

He only had to wait 40 years for the next kiss.

Gemma left a year after that night at the football stadium, and Wayne was heartbroken. But then he met Della and he got married. Became the chief of police. Had a life; a real life. Everything was nice and quiet in town until Gemma came stomping back with a bunch of tattooed outlaws and a little boy trailing behind her. For the next couple of decades, he found himself on a very thin line between being on the right side of the law and the safety of his town, and letting Clay Morrow and the rest of his damn club corrupt him until he forget he possessed a conscience.

And now, Wayne was getting old. Cancer had almost completely consumed him. His wife left him. The sheriff had taken over the police department and Wayne's assistance was no longer needed. He lived in a trailer on the outskirts of town, and he thought about ending it all almost every single day. Why delay the inevitable? But sometimes Gemma would come visit him. She'd bring him pot, and they'd share a joint like they were teenagers, and for a few minutes every week, Wayne had a reason to live.

"_Am I a friend, Gemma?"_

"_Yeah…"_

"_Same kind of friend?"_

It wasn't like Wayne had pined away for Gemma his entire life or something. That wasn't it. After that whole mess with John's death, which somehow he got himself involved in way too deep, he knew Gemma was Clay's girl. Everyone knew that. And Unser knew that although their love was a flawed one, it was also very real. He knew Clay would protect her until he took his last breath.

For a long time, things in Charming remained the status quo. But a few years ago, things started to change. Things got more dangerous. Jax Teller started to take more of a leadership role in the club and things got tense with him and Clay, his corrupt stepfather. The power shifted. People started to get nervous. Gemma was depending on Wayne more than ever to help clean up their messes, and he was more than happy to pick up the pieces. At least it gave him something to do. At least he could be near Gemma.

"_Oh, Christ, I can't do this right now."_

"_Then when should we do this? The next time you kiss me?"_

Wayne knew Gemma cared about him. Maybe even loved him. And when she kissed him again, he almost even let himself believe it was for real. Of course, Piney's rotting corpse was laying just a few feet from where the kiss happened, and of course Gemma did it because she was desperate; desperate for her family, desperate for Clay, the love of her life, one of Wayne's best friends and worst enemies. But for a moment, he was 22 again, his whole life before him, cancer-free, carefree. Her lips still felt the same, for fuck's sake.

And a few weeks later, when Clay beat everything that was good and hopeful out of Gemma, after suppressing his infernal rage and urge to take down Clay Morrow and everything he ever stood for, all Wayne wanted to do was take care of Gemma. Maybe this time she'd let him. Maybe this time she'd leave Clay for good. Maybe they could join forces and take Clay down together. Wayne was too old to have thoughts like this, but somehow he still did. Somehow Gemma Madock was still affecting him this way after all these years.

"_I'm sorry, Wayne. I love you, sweetheart. But you got to trust me. We hooked up right now, it would just ruin us."_

But things never seemed to work out the way he planned. Gemma started seeing someone else. A pimp. _A pimp,_ for crying out loud. When Wayne spotted Nero at Gemma's house, all hope for the future he never really stopped thinking about was lost. And then he was pissed. Shit wasn't right. 40 years of anger seemed to ooze out of him when he confronted Gemma at the hospital. He always suspected that she was selfish and petty and only had her own best interests at heart, but he never wanted to believe it. Well, now he was starting to believe it.

"_There ain't no us, Gemma. And you got no friends. You just got people who do shit for you. And then you throw the poor suckers a smile and a promise to keep them coming back!"_

"_All right, I get it, you're pissed."_

"_It ain't just me. Open your eyes, mother. Everyone knows who you are. Jax and Tara, they ain't ever going to let you do to their family what you did to JT and your own boys. You better wrap your head around that fact."_

Gemma was used to taking shit from all the men in her life, but not him. Unser was the one man in Charming who would never judge her. Except now he was, and he could tell that stung her. Possibly even gave her something to think about, but maybe not. Gemma was a backstabbing, manipulative bitch, but she didn't spend a lot of time thinking about how her actions made other people feel. She just didn't have time for that.

Days, weeks, months went by where they didn't speak about the kiss or the fallout from the kiss. Gemma had other things to worry about and so did he. But there was something missing between the two of them and they both knew it; it was almost tangible. They lost whatever they used to have that made things so interesting. Sometimes he'd notice her penetrating glance was more penetrating than usual. Sometimes she'd hold his stare for a few seconds too long. Sometimes she'd reach out and grab his hand for no particular reason. But he never knew if she was being sincere. And sometimes he'd get so goddamn frustrated with himself that he'd think about selling his trailer and hitchhiking the hell away from Charming forever. He was a man. He wasn't a boy. Although sometimes Gemma made him feel like one.

A few days after Clay was hauled off to jail after being so skillfully set up by Jax for Damon Pope's murder, Wayne was in his trailer on the Teller Morrow lot when he got a text. _Meet me at the stadium_ was all it said. And he couldn't help but grin. Yes, the whole world was falling apart all around him, but there was a ray of light in all the chaos.

An hour later, he found Gemma sitting on the same bleachers where they sat 40 years before, sharing a joint and talking about the future. Now the future was bleaker and they had a lot less of it left. But still Gemma offered him a joint, and they sat together silently, thinking about all the history they shared.

"Christ, I'm sorry, Wayne. You were right. You're always right. I just get so caught up in my head and I forget everyone else around me isn't starring in my one act play. Wayne…you're my best friend. You know that, right? The only man I've ever been able to count on."

Wayne nodded sadly. "Yeah. I know."

"This thing with Nero, I don't know what that is. But I think we owe it to each other to find out."

"I know that, too."

"It's not that I don't love you…it's just…" She shook her head, not able to even finish the sentence.

He'd never seen Gemma speechless before. This was a different side of her. He wasn't sure he liked it all that much.

"Gemma, please. I don't need an explanation. I've known you almost my entire life and I know what you're about. I just…let my goddamn feelings get in the way of common fucking sense sometimes. You don't need to apologize. I just hope that in the future, you take other's emotions seriously. Maybe try not to manipulate every person you meet for a while. Just a trial run, you know."

Gemma laughed. He loved her laugh.

"You said almost the same thing to me 40 years ago, Wayne."

"I did?"

"Yeah. You said I should keep a lid on my temper. I should have listened to you then. It would have saved me a lot of trouble."

Wayne couldn't argue with that.

The two of them sat together. Gemma reached for his hand and put her head on his shoulder. And even though Gemma's honesty was refreshing, Wayne had never felt so heartbroken in his life.

After a while of an easy, comfortable silence, Gemma kissed Wayne again. It was a different kind of kiss, though. An adult kiss. A good-bye kiss. And Wayne knew then that yet again, she was going to leave him. And this time, it was probably going to be forever. She didn't even bother to say good-bye or give some kind of going away speech. They were too old for that now. Too much had happened. It was probably time for both of them to cut ties, although Unser had no idea how he'd live without her. He guessed it was time he figured that out.

Wayne watched Gemma walk away, the love of his life, the consumer of his soul.

A man never forgets his last kiss.

"'_Cause you're going to die alone, just like me."_

* * *

_I want to live,_

_I want to give_

_I've been a miner_

_for a heart of gold.  
_

_It's these expressions  
_

_I never give  
_

_That keep me searching  
_

_for a heart of gold  
_

_And I'm getting old.  
_

_Keeps me searching  
_

_for a heart of gold  
_

_And I'm getting old._


End file.
